After a mini sabbatical....

I'm back....

Well, things have been up and down as per usual. They ended up doubling my dose of Venlafaxine last week. So far, mood wise, I just feel part manic, part agitated. I mean, I have a bit more animation about me, but it feels so superficial. I'm still so empty on the inside. Tomorrow I have an assessment over the phone, to see if this "Computerised Cognitive Behavioural Therapy" is suitable for my "needs". I hate that damn word. Plus, how the FUCK can you assess someone over the damn phone?? I mean, the whole idea of the cCBT seems like a joke to me, but that is really taking the piss. Nice to know the NHS cares.


Weight wise, I've been bingeing and purging quite a lot, so my weight has been up and down over the past couple of weeks. It seems to have settled down to 10stone 7lbs (147lbs) now; that's only 7lbs away from my first goal weight. Even though I'm still hugely overweight, I'm starting to finaly feel like I can do this. Every pound is one step closer. I'm not deluding myself that I'll be happier when I'm thin, I just will have it at the back of my mind that I've beat all those who said I never would be.

Soon, mum's taking two weeks off work. It's going to be so hard to continue with my restriction......A plan is needed, but my head's to crowded to think right now. I wish I could empty it. It's crazy, sometimes, my brain feels like it's reaching critical mass, and one more thought will cause it to implode, sellf destruct; but at the same time, it feels so hollow, like it weighs no more than air.

I need to work on my endings.