About a boy

I don't usually post stuff like this, but here goes:

Recently, while on a perfectly normal night out and trying my hardest to "impress" one of my friends, I met a boy, J. Now to perfectly honest, I was on a bit of a booze binge and don't remember much of the night, so I  was ever so freakin' nervous when he text me a few days later and asked if I wanted to meet up with him. Was he as fit as I remembered? Was he as cool and funny as I remembered? It must be noted, I have a DAMN awful track record when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends.

So we met up....he wasn't as cool as I remembered, or as fit or funny.....he was better :] much, much better. Apparently he was nervous about meeting me too! How sweet! We went out to dinner and everything was lovely, I felt really comfortable and we had such a good time- until it came to my eating. I wanted to be good for him, everything was going so well. He finished *way* before I did (eating over-slowly) and so I said I'd finished too. He said, "do you feel uncomfortabe eating on your own cos I'm finished?" and laughed, so I just laughed too. He got up to go to the loo and I crammed as much food as I could into my napkins without it looking obvious and left it on my plate. When he come back he laughed and said "bless, you were embarrassed! I knew you'd eat a bit more if you were on your own". I just laughed while thinking: "great, here's this super-sweet lad who I really like, it's our first date and I've already lied to him". I felt my heart sink.
The rest of the date went amazingly well, time just flew! We only went for one drink and we just chattered so much, the next thing we knew, it was really late! For the first time in a while, I actually felt really good.

We've been on a few dates since, we're just taking things as they come, which is lovely, because I've never really had that before. On Saturday night, when one of my friends mentioned all the weight I'd lost, I wasn't quite able to answer quickly enough when they asked how I'd managed....I ended up confessing my bulimia.....and J was there too. I tried to act all self reproaching and said to my friends I was trying to stop (more lies). I worriedly half joked to J "see, this is what you're getting into!" He said we'd talk about it later. In the morning, he pretty much said he kinda knew there was something the matter with me and my body image, so he didn't seem really surprised. His close friend suffered with anorexia, so he has experience of people with eating disorders. I'm just worried about reminding him of all that stuff.


I really, really like J; he seems like an amazingly decent guy, and I would hope that something more will develop between us. I'm just really scared that all my problems are going to scare him off...and if they did, I really wouldn't blame him. We're both in our late 20s, so it's really not the sort of thing you should be dealing with. I'm not even entirely sure what I mean by that!!

Well, for now I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh....frankly, for now, that's perfect.