Involuntary Puking

I spent Sunday, yesterday and a bit of today throwing up. No different from usual you may think, and you’d be right; but this time, I was actually ill.
It’s weird (although obvious), I never realised that different kinds of throwing up “feel” different. With this, I felt like death because I was actually ill, there was no sense of “achievement”, there was no sense of urgency, there was no sense of relief. It’s a hard pill to swallow, when you’re confronted with the natural order of things when you life your life perverting them.
So, due to the fact I’ve been ill, I’ve not been able to keep anything down (apart from today), so what do I do this morning? The same thing most completely fucked up people would do- I got on the scales. 10st 10lbs. 3lbs down. My plateau broken, finally. The lowest weight I’ve been in nearly 5 years. Now I’m feeling better and I feel panicked. I CAN’T regain the weight.